Here is the transcript from Emily’s recent sermon called No Light in the Darkness. (The service stream is available on our Youtube channel).

Depression: where do you start? One in three people experience depression at some point in their life, so chances are either you yourself or someone close to you will go through it. Or maybe depression hasn’t been diagnosed, but you’re struggling through a really tough time. Either way, for something so common, it’s talked about so very little – especially in the church. Suffering with depression is tough for anyone. It affects you mentally, emotionally and physically. But for Christian’s there’s also a spiritual dimension which is pushed to the limit, and often damaged.

So, being a Christian and having depression: how does it work? Some Christians say it’s not possible (I believe they’re wrong, but I’ll come back to this point later). As Christians we are called to be joyful worshippers, sharing the good news of how great God is and the hope we have in Jesus… But what if you’re not feeling joyful, good or great and have lost all hope? Church is about fellowship and community… But what if you’re feeling lonely and isolated? Church can actually be really hard for people going through depression. During fellowship time, you dread the well-meaning question ‘How are you?’ because you’re fed up of lying and saying you’re fine (when you’re not), but if you actually told someone how you really are they’d probably not know how to respond as you break down in front of them.

Before I go any further, I’m not writing this piece because I have all the answers. I’m writing this piece based on my own experience. I’ve battled with depression, anxiety and anorexia for the last five years, since I was 18. For a long time, I kept this quiet. I put up a front pretending that everything was okay. And it worked. People thought I’d got my life together; that I was a strong, independent person who could cope with life. But in reality, I was struggling to cope, I was scared of the world and I felt the complete opposite of strong and independent. I hid my struggles because I was worried they were a sign of weakness. I found it hard to come to terms with what I was going through because I didn’t understand it; I have a good life – a very good life – so, why was I feeling so low so much of the time? I felt guilty and ashamed for having these unjustified negative feelings.

When I hit rock bottom about a year ago, I cried out to God. This was the God I’ve believed in, worshipped and trusted for my whole life. I cried out, “God, please help me!” But… nothing. I felt like I’d fallen into the bottom of a deep, dark pit and God wasn’t there to help me out.

In the darkness of depression, where is Jesus, our light of the world?

It can overwhelmingly feel like God’s abandoned you in your struggle. But He hasn’t. He is there. Here are three ways how…

• God is there, but you don’t notice him at work in your life because your negativity has filtered it out. You are blinded and tricked by twisted and unclear thinking.
• At your darkest hour, God is doing more than walking alongside you; he’s carrying you. In the poem ‘Footprints in the Sand’, the poet recounts her walk with the Lord and says she was troubled when as at her lowest and saddest times there was only one set of footprints. She asks the Lord: “Lord, You said once I decided to follow you, You’d walk with me all the way. I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.” He whispered, “ My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testing. When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”
• When people in your life come alongside you, pray with you and support you, they are being Jesus.

It’s easy to say these things. It’s hard to believe them.

Depression makes you deeply question your beliefs. You question: God, if the world you created is so great and you want us to live life to the full, why’s there so much depression? God created a perfect world. Sin entered that world. In my experience, depression is a manifestation of that evil force. It is not of God, and it is not part of you. You need to isolate it. Everything depression is (emptiness, darkness, worthlessness) is the complete opposite of God’s love, grace and mercy. You question again: OK, but God, if you’re all-powerful and all-loving, why can’t you just take depression away? He could take it away, just like that. Believe me, I’ve cried out for that so many times – depression can linger for years and recovery is hard work.

BUT (big but), God is not a painkiller! God is all about ultimate healing and setting us free. What if, by going through this and having to pull myself out, I’m becoming more of the person God wants me to be?

Of course, I never wanted to have depression – who would? I resent the fun times with family and friends it’s stolen from me. I resent the days, hours, weeks, months, years(!) I’ve spent crushed by a great sadness and crippled by anxiety. I resent having had a weak, non-fully functional, tired body. I resent the constant struggle.

But while depression and anxiety want me to resent my past, hate my present and fear for my future, God wants to heal and set me free. For this to happen, you have to keep moving forwards. This is difficult to do when the illness you’re struggling with wants to trap you – sometimes literally paralysing you. So how can you be encouraged to move forwards? This might help…

It’s a paradox but depression can be a blessing as well as a curse; an unwelcome blessing, but a blessing all the same. You see, without the darkness, you cannot appreciate the light. One evening, when I didn’t want to live anymore, my Dad took me out to Seasalter to help me clear my head. It was dark. Dad pointed to the stars in the sky and the lights whizzing past on a nearby train, trying to get me to appreciate these simple things. I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate (or even) see those stars and lights if it wasn’t dark.

Depression makes or breaks faith. Jesus said: “I am the light of the world” (John 8v12). It’s hard when you can’t see that light. But do you doubt the existence of the sun when it’s not shining?

Depression has taken so much from me, but it has also taught me that when it seems there’s nothing in life worth hanging on to, you can always hold on to God. Forever. Focussing on God is pulling me out of depression. In terms of recovery, medication, therapy and counselling may be necessary (and there’s nothing wrong with that, God can work through these things), but ultimately faith is vital. However, faith is a choice. It’s not a passive thing, it’s active; you have to actively take action. That can be hard work.

You have to fight with faith. Put on your Armour of God (Ephesians 6v11): stand firm in your belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, shield of faith, helmet of salvation and sword of the Spirit. It’s true that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4v13). Believe in the power of prayer, but remember that prayer is not a vending machine (it’s not about getting what you want), it’s a relationship (it’s about allowing yourself to be change). And when you’re not even sure if prayer works, let other people pray with you and for you. Trust in scripture. During dark times, Bible verses stop being just cosy words – they become applicable to real life and you realise that God’s got it all covered. He is with you. When you fight with faith, Christianity starts to make more sense.

So. Is God with you in your depression? Yes. Does it always feel like it? No. But where mental illnesses are concerned, feelings and thoughts are not to be trusted (you’re being bullied by negativity remember!). Trust the truth – God’s word in the Bible – which will never waver or falter.

• When you’re feeling sad and hopeless… “Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles and pray at all times.” (Romans 12v12)
• When you’re feeling burdened… Jesus says: “Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11v28)
• When you’re feeling trapped… “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” (Galatians 5v1)
• When you’re feeling crippled by anxiety… “Cast your anxieties on Him because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5v7)
• When you’re feeling like a pathetic failure… “Hold fast to your righteousness and do not let it go.” (Job 27v6)
• When you’re feeling like you hate yourself (and maybe even want to die because you’ve had enough of living in this world)… God says: “I made you and you are fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139v14)
• When you’re lost sight of everything… Remember “you are a child of God” (Galatians 3v26) and you are so very loved. (John 3v16)

A message to anyone struggling with depression or a dark time: do not give up! As Christians, if we follow Jesus and live His way, we are promised life in all its fullness. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Hebrews 12v12). This is what we need to do to gain life in all its fullness. Our bodies and minds are designed to be temples of the Holy Spirit. If we’re feeling empty, we need to allow ourselves to be filled. The thought of being filled with the Holy Spirit might seem impossible when you’re feeling joyless. But being filled with the Spirit isn’t all about jumping up and down with joy…

The Fruit of the Spirit is joy, yes, but it’s also love, peace, kindness, self-control, goodness and faithfulness (Galatians 5v22). Christians I know who suffer from depressions are some of the most loving, peaceful, kind, self-controlled, good and faithful people I know. So, there’s no way having depression means you’re failing as a Christian! We all have weaknesses, but the beauty is God can work through that: Christ’s power is made perfect in weakness, therefore I will boast in my weakness so Christ’s power many rest on me (2 Corinthians 12v9).

If you lack joy at the moment though, just remember this: the Joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8v10). Just read that statement again. Now let’s unpack it a bit. This is talking not about our joy, but about the Lord’s joy. What is the Lord’s joy? Well, God delights in us; we are His children and are so valuable to Him. Knowing this, then, is our strength against depression’s lies that we’re worthless and useless. That’s why you should still praise God even when you’re feeling joyless, thankless and hopeless. It’s easy to sing and dance in praise when everything’s going well in our lives. There’s something quite powerful about praising God when it’s the last thing you want to do. When I’m having a really difficult moment, my Dad tells me to give him an anarchic smile; a smile in the face of anarchy and adversity. Often I don’t feel like doing it, but if I keep doing it – if I’m resilient enough – eventually I’ll get to a point where it starts to come more naturally and one day, maybe I’ll actually feel joyful doing it.

If you’re able to, try to take some time out with God now. Reflect on how you’re feeling and what you’ve just read and just be honest with your Heavenly Father. I suggest listening to this song – a song which has got me through some difficult, sleepless nights. It’s called ‘Even When It Hurts’ (by Hillsong) and it’s all about praising God… even when it hurts…

Even when my strength is lost, I’ll praise You
Even when I have no song, I’ll praise You
Even when it’s hard to find the words, louder then I’ll sing Your praise

Even when the fight seems lost, I’ll praise You
Even when it hurts like hell, I’ll praise You
Even when it makes no sense to sing, louder then I’ll sing Your praise

Even when the morning comes, I’ll praise You
Even when the fight is won, I’ll praise You
Even when my time on earth is done, louder then I’ll sing your praise

I will only sing Your praise

One final thing. Why not ask a Christian friend you trust to pray with you? It’s not a sign of weakness needing prayer; there is no shame in your struggles. Coming together with someone in prayer is what we are meant to do as we live out our Christian lives, and it’s in these moment that Jesus comes alongside us.